“Hadouken”

My soon-to-be 6-year-old daughter is having BIG feelings lately. They're coming out by way of intense tantrums. Screaming, on the floor, kicking fits. I have been startled and deeply upset. Why is this happening? What is so wrong? How can this energy, this fierce emotion, be inside this little human?

It's like the Hadouken that Ryu used in Street Fighter back in the 90's. Nerd Alert. But seriously, these fireballs of anger are coming up and out, and directed towards whomever is in the way. I have BIG feelings too, and they're often provoked by my daughter’s outbursts. My response has been to take all of the jabs until I boil over, to then retaliate with Guile’s Sonic Boom.

Parenting is difficult any old way, but when you come face to face with an end of the world, triggering melt down, it seems torturous.

So, I wrote a note to my 40-year-old self, as my 5-year-old self, in search for clarity.

What I discovered is that my daughter is holding up a mirror to me. She’s showcasing what I’ve always (and still do) wanted: the ability to express myself fully, and for that to be ok; to still feel loved even when I'm emotionally deregulated. She’s giving me a chance to re-address some of my deepest “stuff.”

If I can make this time-jumping connection between myself and my daughter, then I can view the whole circumstance from a new perspective: a little teacher, here, to show me how to love, even through extreme emotion.

Looking to turn this street fight into a swing dance.